Chapter 7: The Name## Chapter 7: The Name on the Photograph
I read on the Photograph
I read the six words on the back of Renee the six words on the back of Renee's photograph until the handwriting blurred.
*Marcus's photograph until the handwriting blurred.
Marcus must know what really happened.
My first instinct was to reject them.
Not because I must know what really happened.*
My first instinct was to reject them.
Not because I doubted Renee's handwriting. I could have recognized it on a grocery list in a crowded room doubted Renee's handwriting. I could have recognized it on a grocery list in a crowded room. Her capital M always leaned slightly to the right, and she crossed.
Her capital M always leaned slightly to the right, and she crossed her t's with a firm, impatient stroke. I had watched her t's with a firm, impatient stroke. I had watched that hand write birthday cards, sign school permission slips, and leave little notes beside my coffee that hand write birthday cards, sign school permission slips, and leave little notes beside my coffee cup.
The words were hers.
What I couldn't accept was the implication.
“What cup.
The words were hers.
What I couldn't accept was the implication.
“What does this mean?”” I asked Denise.
My sister sat across from me, her fingers does this mean?”” I asked Denise.
My sister sat across from me, her fingers interlaced so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.
“I don't know.””
“Mom kept interlaced so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.
“I don't know.””
“Mom kept this photograph for years. She never showed it to me.””
“She promised Renee she wouldn't reveal the letter until Michael this photograph for years. She never showed it to me.””
“She promised Renee she wouldn't reveal the letter until Michael was ready.””
“That doesn't explain this.””
Denise looked at the photograph.
“Maybe Mom was waiting for the was ready.””
“That doesn't explain this.””
Denise looked at the photograph.
“Maybe Mom was waiting for the right time.””
“The right time for what? To tell me my wife left something unresolved right time.””
“The right time for what? To tell me my wife left something unresolved before she died?””
Nobody answered.
Michael sat beside me, studying the photograph. His expression was different from before she died?””
Nobody answered.
Michael sat beside me, studying the photograph. His expression was different from the night before. He was still hurt, but beneath the hurt was a fierce, desperate curiosity.
“Can the night before. He was still hurt, but beneath the hurt was a fierce, desperate curiosity.
“Can I hold it?”” he asked.
I handed it to him.
He studied his mother's face for I hold it?”” he asked.
I handed it to him.
He studied his mother's face for a long time.
“She looks tired.””
“She was,” I said.
“But she's a long time.
“She looks tired.””
“She was,” I said.
“But she's smiling.””
I nodded.
“She always tried to smile for you.””
He turned the photograph over and traced smiling.””
I nodded.
“She always tried to smile for you.””
He turned the photograph over and traced the handwriting with his finger.
“Why would she say you need to know what happened?””
I struggled the handwriting with his finger.
“Why would she say you need to know what happened?””
I struggled to find an answer that wouldn't place the weight of my confusion on his shoulders.
“Sometimes people to find an answer that wouldn't place the weight of my confusion on his shoulders.
“Sometimes people leave things unsaid because they're afraid. Sometimes they believe they'll have more time.””
“ leave things unsaid because they're afraid. Sometimes they believe they'll have more time.””
“Did she know she was going to die?””
“I don't think she knew exactly when. But sheDid she know she was going to die?””
“I don't think she knew exactly when. But she knew she was very sick.””
Michael looked at me.
“Did she tell you she was afraid?””
knew she was very sick.””
Michael looked at me.
“Did she tell you she was afraid?””
The question brought back a memory I hadn't visited in years.
Renee lying in a hospital bed, watching rainThe question brought back a memory I hadn't visited in years.
Renee lying in a hospital bed, watching rain streak the window. She had asked me to stay after the nurse left. When I sat beside her, she took my hand and streak the window.
She had asked me to stay after the nurse left. When I sat beside her, she took my hand and held it against her cheek.
Promise me you'll listen to Michael, she had whispered.
I held it against her cheek.
Promise me you'll listen to Michael, she had whispered.
I thought she meant the ordinary things. His worries, his questions, his need for reassurance.
I had promised.
thought she meant the ordinary things. His worries, his questions, his need for reassurance.
I had promised.
I had never imagined that the promise might involve a letter II had never imagined that the promise might involve a letter I would not see until years after her death.
“Yes,” I told Michael would not see until years after her death.
“Yes,” I told Michael.
“She told me she was afraid.””
“Of dying?””
I looked at the photograph.
“I think she was afraid of leaving.
“She told me she was afraid.””
“Of dying?””
I looked at the photograph.
“I think she was afraid of leaving you.””
He lowered his eyes.
Across the room, Sarah shifted in her chair.
I had almost forgotten she was you.””
He lowered his eyes.
Across the room, Sarah shifted in her chair.
I had almost forgotten she was there.
“Did you know about this photograph?”” I asked her.
She shook her there.
“Did you know about this photograph?”” I asked her.
She shook her head.
“Then tell me how you found the letter.””
“I already told you.””
“You found it head.
“Then tell me how you found the letter.””
“I already told you.””
“You found it a month ago. You read enough to become concerned. Then a man named David appeared a month ago. You read enough to become concerned.
Then a man named David appeared, asking questions about Renee. You took the box, removed the letter, and hid it. Somewhere along the way, you became convinced that, asking questions about Renee.
You took the box, removed the letter, and hid it. Somewhere along the way, you became convinced that the letter contained an answer.””
Sarah's eyes filled.
“Yes.””
“What answer?””
She shook her head again.
“I the letter contained an answer.””
Sarah's eyes filled.
“Yes.””
“What answer?””
She shook her head again.
“I don't know.””
I leaned forward.
“Sarah, I am trying very hard to give you room to tell don't know.””
I leaned forward.
“Sarah, I am trying very hard to give you room to tell the truth. But every time I ask a direct question, you give me another reason to doubt you.””
the truth. But every time I ask a direct question, you give me another reason to doubt you.””
She pressed her hands against her knees.
“David told me Renee had been trying to contact someone before she diedShe pressed her hands against her knees.
“David told me Renee had been trying to contact someone before she died. He said she believed that person had information she needed.””
“Who?””
“He wouldn't say.””
“Why would he come to you?””
“He. He said she believed that person had information she needed.””
“Who?””
“He wouldn't say.””
“Why would he come to you?””
“He said he knew I was married to you. He said he thought I might help said he knew I was married to you. He said he thought I might help him find out what happened.””
“Did he tell you how he knew Renee?””
“He said he knew him find out what happened.””
“Did he tell you how he knew Renee?””
“He said he knew someone who had been involved in her care.””
The room went quiet.
I remembered someone who had been involved in her care.””
The room went quiet.
I remembered the doctors, the nurses, the social worker who had helped us arrange support at home. There had been so the doctors, the nurses, the social worker who had helped us arrange support at home. There had been so many people passing through those final months that I could not have named everyone now.
But none many people passing through those final months that I could not have named everyone now.
But none of them had any reason to approach my second wife eight years later.
“Did of them had any reason to approach my second wife eight years later.
“Did you ask him for identification?””
Sarah looked ashamed.
“No.””
“Did you get his phone number?””
“Yes.””
“Give you ask him for identification?””
Sarah looked ashamed.
“No.””
“Did you get his phone number?””
“Yes.””
“Give it to me.””
She hesitated, then took out her phone and opened her recent calls.
She showed me the it to me.””
She hesitated, then took out her phone and opened her recent calls.
She showed me the number.
I copied it into my own phone without dialing.
“Has he contacted you today number.
I copied it into my own phone without dialing.
“Has he contacted you today?””
“No.””
“Did you tell him about the letter?””
“Yes.””
My stomach tightened.
“When?””
“Yesterday morning?””
“No.””
“Did you tell him about the letter?””
“Yes.””
My stomach tightened.
“When?””
“Yesterday morning.””
“Before or after you realized the letter was missing?””
“Before.””
I stood and walked to the window.
.””
“Before or after you realized the letter was missing?””
“Before.””
I stood and walked to the window.
The neighborhood looked ordinary in the morning sunlight. A delivery truck passed. Across the street, aThe neighborhood looked ordinary in the morning sunlight. A delivery truck passed.
Across the street, a woman was watering plants on her porch. Somewhere, woman was watering plants on her porch. Somewhere, a lawn mower started up.
The world had not changed.
Only the a lawn mower started up.
The world had not changed.
Only the story I believed about my own life had begun to fall apart.
I turned back.
“Did you tell story I believed about my own life had begun to fall apart.
I turned back.
“Did you tell David where the box was?””
Sarah nodded.
“You gave a David where the box was?””
Sarah nodded.
“You gave a stranger the location of my son's personal belongings?””
“I thought he might recognize something in the letter.””
“And now the stranger the location of my son's personal belongings?””
“I thought he might recognize something in the letter.””
“And now the letter is missing.””
Her face crumpled.
“I didn't give it to him.””
“I didn't say letter is missing.””
Her face crumpled.
“I didn't give it to him.””
“I didn't say you did.””
“You think I did.””
“I think you have withheld enough information that I can't you did.””
“You think I did.””
“I think you have withheld enough information that I can't know what to believe.””
Michael rose from the couch.
“Can we stop talking about what she thinks and know what to believe.””
Michael rose from the couch.
“Can we stop talking about what she thinks and find my box?””
Every adult in the room fell silent.
He was right.
We find my box?””
Every adult in the room fell silent.
He was right.
We had spent hours discussing what Renee might have written, what Sarah might have discovered, and what David might have wanted. Meanwhile had spent hours discussing what Renee might have written, what Sarah might have discovered, and what David might have wanted. Meanwhile, Michael's property was still missing.
Denise stood.
“Let's search the house properly, Michael's property was still missing.
Denise stood.
“Let's search the house properly.””
We began in the storage room. I checked every shelf and container. Denise searched.””
We began in the storage room. I checked every shelf and container. Denise searched the cupboards beneath the stairs, while Jordan went through the garage.
Sarah remained near the doorway the cupboards beneath the stairs, while Jordan went through the garage.
Sarah remained near the doorway until Michael looked at her.
“If you want to help,” he said, “then until Michael looked at her.
“If you want to help,” he said, “then help.””
She nodded and began opening boxes.
For nearly an hour, we found nothing.
Then Jordan help.””
She nodded and began opening boxes.
For nearly an hour, we found nothing.
Then Jordan called from the garage.
“Dad! Come look at this!””
I hurried called from the garage.
“Dad! Come look at this!””
I hurried outside.
Jordan stood beside an old metal filing cabinet we rarely used. One drawer had been left outside.
Jordan stood beside an old metal filing cabinet we rarely used. One drawer had been left partially open. Inside were household manuals, warranty papers, and a stack of envelopes held together with a rubber band.
At the bottom lay a partially open. Inside were household manuals, warranty papers, and a stack of envelopes held together with a rubber band.
At the bottom lay a small brass key.
I recognized it immediately.
The key to the walnut box.
Jordan held it up.
small brass key.
I recognized it immediately.
The key to the walnut box.
Jordan held it up.
“This was in the drawer.””
I took it from him.
“Did you put“This was in the drawer.””
I took it from him.
“Did you put it here?””
He shook his head.
“No. I didn't even know what it was until I saw the little it here?””
He shook his head.
“No. I didn't even know what it was until I saw the little tag.””
A narrow paper label was attached to the key.
In my tag.””
A narrow paper label was attached to the key.
In my mother's handwriting were two words.
For Michael.
My stomach tightened.
“Did you see anybody mother's handwriting were two words.
For Michael.
My stomach tightened.
“Did you see anybody come into the garage yesterday?””
Jordan hesitated.
Then he nodded.
“David.””
I stared come into the garage yesterday?””
Jordan hesitated.
Then he nodded.
“David.””
I stared at him.
“You saw his face?””
“Not clearly. He was wearing a cap, and he left at him.
“You saw his face?””
“Not clearly. He was wearing a cap, and he left before I came outside. But I saw him put something in the cabinet.””
“What?””
“I before I came outside. But I saw him put something in the cabinet.””
“What?””
“I don't know.””
I pulled the drawer completely open and began moving the envelopes.
Behind don't know.””
I pulled the drawer completely open and began moving the envelopes.
Behind the filing folders was a folded sheet of paper.
It was addressed to me.
The handwriting was Renee's.
My fingers went the filing folders was a folded sheet of paper.
It was addressed to me.
The handwriting was Renee's.
My fingers went numb.
I opened the paper carefully.
There was only one sentence.
*If you are reading this, Marcus, please don't let them tell you I numb.
I opened the paper carefully.
May you like
There was only one sentence.
*If you are reading this, Marcus, please don't let them tell you I
