Chapter 12: What Renee Left Behind
David chose a public place.
He sent the address through SarahDavid chose a public place.
He sent the address through Sarah's account, along with a time and a request that I bring the hospital form.
The's account, along with a time and a request that I bring the hospital form.
The location was a small diner several miles from the hospital where Renee had died. I arrived with location was a small diner several miles from the hospital where Renee had died. I arrived with Denise, who insisted that I shouldn't meet a man connected to a possible Denise, who insisted that I shouldn't meet a man connected to a possible document fraud case without someone else present.
We sat in a booth near the front window.
At eleven fifteen, a man entered wearing document fraud case without someone else present.
We sat in a booth near the front window.
At eleven fifteen, a man entered wearing a charcoal jacket and carrying a worn leather folder. He was in his early sixties, with graying hair and a a charcoal jacket and carrying a worn leather folder. He was in his early sixties, with graying hair and a narrow scar near his chin.
He looked around the diner, found us narrow scar near his chin.
He looked around the diner, found us, and approached.
“Marcus?””
I didn't stand.
“David?””
He nodded, and approached.
“Marcus?””
I didn't stand.
“David?””
He nodded and slid into the booth opposite us.
His eyes moved to Denise.
“Family?””
“My sister,” and slid into the booth opposite us.
His eyes moved to Denise.
“Family?””
“My sister,” I said.
“Anything you tell me, she hears too.””
David accepted that without argument.
He placed the leather folder on the table.
“I want to begin by saying that I never I said.
“Anything you tell me, she hears too.””
David accepted that without argument.
He placed the leather folder on the table.
“I want to begin by saying that I never intended to hurt Michael.””
“You've never met Michael.””
“No. But I intended to hurt Michael.””
“You've never met Michael.””
“No. But I know what Renee wanted for him.””
I leaned forward.
“You knew Renee?””
“Yes.””
“Where?””
“We worked together at a community health organization know what Renee wanted for him.””
I leaned forward.
“You knew Renee?””
“Yes.””
“Where?””
“We worked together at a community health organization. She handled patient outreach. I managed records and administrative requests.””
I studied his face.
“Then why have. She handled patient outreach. I managed records and administrative requests.””
I studied his face.
“Then why have you spent eight years hiding?””
“I haven't been hiding. I left you spent eight years hiding?””
“I haven't been hiding. I left the organization shortly after Renee died.””
“Convenient.””
He accepted the accusation.
“I understand why you distrust the organization shortly after Renee died.””
“Convenient.””
He accepted the accusation.
“I understand why you distrust me.””
“You used my name to access my wife's medical records.””
“I didn't sign that form.””
“ me.””
“You used my name to access my wife's medical records.””
“I didn't sign that form.””
“Then who did?””
David opened the folder.
“I brought copies of documents that may help youThen who did?””
David opened the folder.
“I brought copies of documents that may help you understand.””
I did not touch them.
“Answer my question first.””
He drew a slow breath.
understand.””
I did not touch them.
“Answer my question first.””
He drew a slow breath.
“I don't know who signed the form. I received a request from the hospital's records office authorizing the“I don't know who signed the form. I received a request from the hospital's records office authorizing the release.
The signature appeared to be yours, and the paperwork had been release. The signature appeared to be yours, and the paperwork had been processed through the proper channels.””
“Then why did you contact Sarah?””
“Because I discovered years later that the request might processed through the proper channels.””
“Then why did you contact Sarah?””
“Because I discovered years later that the request might have been unauthorized.””
“Why didn't you contact me?””
“I tried.””
I stared at him.
“When?””
“Several times after have been unauthorized.””
“Why didn't you contact me?””
“I tried.””
I stared at him.
“When?””
“Several times after Renee died. I sent letters to your old address. I called a number I had for you. Eventually, I stopped Renee died.
I sent letters to your old address. I called a number I had for you. Eventually, I stopped.””
“I never received anything.””
“I believe you.””
Denise spoke sharply.
“That's not good.””
“I never received anything.””
“I believe you.””
Denise spoke sharply.
“That's not good enough. What did you discover?””
David opened the folder and removed a photocopy of a letter.
“This is a letter Renee sent to me three days enough. What did you discover?””
David opened the folder and removed a photocopy of a letter.
“This is a letter Renee sent to me three days before she died.””
My heart hammered.
“Is it the same letter from Michael's box?””
“No. The before she died.””
My heart hammered.
“Is it the same letter from Michael's box?””
“No. The letter in the box was addressed to you. This one was addressed to me.””
“Why did letter in the box was addressed to you. This one was addressed to me.””
“Why did Renee write to you?””
“Because she had discovered that somebody had been requesting information about her medical condition without her permission.””
I felt Renee write to you?””
“Because she had discovered that somebody had been requesting information about her medical condition without her permission.””
I felt a cold pressure in my chest.
“Who?””
“I don't know.””
“You worked a cold pressure in my chest.
“Who?””
“I don't know.””
“You worked with records. Surely you could trace the requests.””
“Some of them, yes. Others came through an account with records. Surely you could trace the requests.””
“Some of them, yes. Others came through an account that was later deactivated. I reported the irregularities to my supervisor.
Before the review could be that was later deactivated. I reported the irregularities to my supervisor. Before the review could be completed, Renee died.””
“And you did nothing?””
David looked down.
“I did what I could at the time. I preserved the records I completed, Renee died.””
“And you did nothing?””
David looked down.
“I did what I could at the time. I preserved the records I had access to. I also made a mistake.””
“What mistake?””
“I had access to. I also made a mistake.””
“What mistake?””
“I assumed that after her death, the family would eventually receive the information. I didn't understand that someone had intervened to assumed that after her death, the family would eventually receive the information. I didn't understand that someone had intervened to keep it from you.””
I laughed once, without humor.
“Someone.””
He met keep it from you.””
I laughed once, without humor.
“Someone.””
He met my eyes.
“I know how that sounds.””
“It sounds like you're avoiding responsibility.””
“Perhaps I am.””
The my eyes.
“I know how that sounds.””
“It sounds like you're avoiding responsibility.””
“Perhaps I am.””
The admission surprised me.
David closed the folder.
“I was afraid. I had admission surprised me.
David closed the folder.
“I was afraid. I had a career, a family, a mortgage. I told myself I couldn't prove what had happened, a career, a family, a mortgage.
I told myself I couldn't prove what had happened, and that making accusations would destroy lives. So I kept copies of the records and and that making accusations would destroy lives. So I kept copies of the records and walked away.””
“And now?””
“Now I have reason to believe the missing letter contains walked away.””
“And now?””
“Now I have reason to believe the missing letter contains information that could help identify who authorized the requests.””
I finally picked up the photocopy.
The handwriting was Renee information that could help identify who authorized the requests.””
I finally picked up the photocopy.
The handwriting was Renee's.
I recognized the way she formed her capital letters, the slight tilt of her sentences's.
I recognized the way she formed her capital letters, the slight tilt of her sentences, the way she pressed too hard on the final word of each paragraph.
David,
*I don't know who I can trust with, the way she pressed too hard on the final word of each paragraph.
David,
I don't know who I can trust with this anymore. Somebody has been asking for information about my treatment this anymore. Somebody has been asking for information about my treatment, and I am afraid the answers are being given to the wrong person.
I stopped reading.
My hands had begun to tremble.
Denise put a hand over mine.
“Take your time.””
I, and I am afraid the answers are being given to the wrong person.*
I stopped reading.
My hands had begun to tremble.
Denise put a hand over mine.
“Take your time.””
I continued.
*If anything happens to me, I need you to make sure my son receives the letter I wrote for his father. I don't want Michael continued.
If anything happens to me, I need you to make sure my son receives the letter I wrote for his father. I don't want Michael growing up believing that the people who loved him always told him the truth. I want him to know that sometimes growing up believing that the people who loved him always told him the truth. I want him to know that sometimes people are afraid, and sometimes fear makes them do things they cannot undo.
I lowered the paper.
The diner's noise people are afraid, and sometimes fear makes them do things they cannot undo.*
I lowered the paper.
The diner's noise seemed distant.
“Did Renee ever tell you who she suspected?”” I asked.
David seemed distant.
“Did Renee ever tell you who she suspected?”” I asked.
David shook his head.
“She didn't trust her suspicions enough to name anyone shook his head.
“She didn't trust her suspicions enough to name anyone. She wanted evidence.””
“What evidence?””
“She mentioned a set of authorization records. She believed. She wanted evidence.””
“What evidence?””
“She mentioned a set of authorization records. She believed somebody had used family information to gain access to her medical files.””
I looked at the hospital form again.
“Was somebody had used family information to gain access to her medical files.””
I looked at the hospital form again.
“Was I involved?””
David hesitated.
“I never found evidence that you I involved?””
David hesitated.
“I never found evidence that you knowingly authorized anything.””
“That's not the same as saying I had nothing to do with it.””
“No,” he admitted.
“It isn't.””
The distinction knowingly authorized anything.””
“That's not the same as saying I had nothing to do with it.””
“No,” he admitted.
“It isn't.””
The distinction angered me because it was fair.
I had wanted a clean answer: a villain, angered me because it was fair.
I had wanted a clean answer: a villain, an explanation, a truth that would restore the past to something I could understand.
Instead, I had a dead wife an explanation, a truth that would restore the past to something I could understand.
Instead, I had a dead wife who had been frightened, an unauthorized form bearing my signature, and a man who who had been frightened, an unauthorized form bearing my signature, and a man who had chosen silence because speaking up had chosen silence because speaking up might have cost him his livelihood.
“What happened to the original records?”” Denise asked.
“Some remain in the hospital archive. Others were included in an internal review. I have copies of the might have cost him his livelihood.
“What happened to the original records?”” Denise asked.
“Some remain in the hospital archive. Others were included in an internal review. I have copies of the documents I was legally permitted to retain, but I won't pretend documents I was legally permitted to retain, but I won't pretend I can establish the entire history from what I brought.””
“Then why come now I can establish the entire history from what I brought.””
“Then why come now?”” I asked.
David looked at me for a long moment.
“Because Sarah contacted me. She told me she'd found the letter. I?”” I asked.
David looked at me for a long moment.
“Because Sarah contacted me. She told me she'd found the letter. I thought it might finally answer the question Renee couldn't answer before she died.””
“And you encouraged her to take my thought it might finally answer the question Renee couldn't answer before she died.””
“And you encouraged her to take my son's box.””
“No.””
“Your messages say otherwise.””
“I asked her whether she had found the letter. I should never son's box.””
“No.””
“Your messages say otherwise.””
“I asked her whether she had found the letter. I should never have encouraged her to investigate without involving you. But I did not tell her to take anything have encouraged her to investigate without involving you. But I did not tell her to take anything from Michael.””
I wanted to believe that distinction mattered.
It did, but it did not erase his from Michael.””
I wanted to believe that distinction mattered.
It did, but it did not erase his responsibility.
“What exactly do you want from me?””
“I want you to request an official review of the hospital records. I want responsibility.
“What exactly do you want from me?””
“I want you to request an official review of the hospital records. I want the signature on that form examined. And I want you to find Renee's letter before somebody destroys it.””
I stared at him.
“Who the signature on that form examined. And I want you to find Renee's letter before somebody destroys it.””
I stared at him.
“Who would destroy it?””
“I don't know.””
“Then stop making accusations you can't would destroy it?””
“I don't know.””
“Then stop making accusations you can't support.””
David lowered his eyes.
“You're right.””
For several seconds, none of us spoke.
Then Denise asked the question that had been sitting between support.””
David lowered his eyes.
“You're right.””
For several seconds, none of us spoke.
Then Denise asked the question that had been sitting between us since the beginning.
“What was Renee trying to tell Marcus?””
David looked at the letter in my us since the beginning.
“What was Renee trying to tell Marcus?””
David looked at the letter in my hand.
“I don't know the contents of the letter she wrote to you. I never saw it.””
“ hand.
“I don't know the contents of the letter she wrote to you. I never saw it.””
“Then why do you think it matters?””
“Because she told me she had written it after discovering something aboutThen why do you think it matters?””
“Because she told me she had written it after discovering something about the medical records. She said it contained information she wanted her husband to know, but she didn't want Michael to grow up carrying the the medical records. She said it contained information she wanted her husband to know, but she didn't want Michael to grow up carrying the consequences.””
I felt the familiar pressure behind my eyes.
“Did she think she was going to die?””
David's expression softened.
“She knew consequences.””
I felt the familiar pressure behind my eyes.
“Did she think she was going to die?””
David's expression softened.
“She knew she was very sick. She also knew the doctors were still trying to understand some she was very sick. She also knew the doctors were still trying to understand some of her complications. She was frightened, but she hadn't given up.””
I remembered Renee squeezing my hand in the hospital bed of her complications. She was frightened, but she hadn't given up.””
I remembered Renee squeezing my hand in the hospital bed, telling me to make sure Michael kept drawing, even when he thought his pictures were terrible, telling me to make sure Michael kept drawing, even when he thought his pictures were terrible. I remembered her asking whether we could take him to the ocean when. I remembered her asking whether we could take him to the ocean when she felt better.
I had spent eight years interpreting those memories as a final goodbye.
she felt better.
I had spent eight years interpreting those memories as a final goodbye.
Perhaps some of them had been.
But I had never considered that she might have been trying to warn me about something elsePerhaps some of them had been.
But I had never considered that she might have been trying to warn me about something else at the same time.
David pushed a card across the table.
“My contact at the same time.
David pushed a card across the table.
“My contact information. I'll cooperate with the review.””
I took information. I'll cooperate with the review.””
I took it.
“If I discover that you've lied to me, I will make sure the authorities know everything you've told me today.””
“I it.
“If I discover that you've lied to me, I will make sure the authorities know everything you've told me today.””
“I understand.””
“And you will not contact Michael.””
“I won't.””
I stood.
understand.””
“And you will not contact Michael.””
“I won't.””
I stood.
Denise gathered the documents.
Before we left, David spoke once more.
“MarcusDenise gathered the documents.
Before we left, David spoke once more.
“Marcus.””
I turned.
“Renee loved you. Whatever that letter says, don't.””
I turned.
“Renee loved you. Whatever that letter says, don't confuse her fear with a lack of love.””
I looked at him.
“You confuse her fear with a lack of love.””
I looked at him.
“You don't get to tell me how to remember my wife.””
He nodded, accepting the rebuke.
Outside don't get to tell me how to remember my wife.””
He nodded, accepting the rebuke.
Outside, the sunlight was harsh against the pavement.
Denise walked beside me in silence until we reached the car.
Then she asked, “Do, the sunlight was harsh against the pavement.
Denise walked beside me in silence until we reached the car.
Then she asked, “Do you believe him?””
“I believe he knows more than he told us.””
“Do you think Sarah does too you believe him?””
“I believe he knows more than he told us.””
“Do you think Sarah does too?””
I looked at the hospital form.
“I think Sarah was looking for an answer she didn't understand. I think David gave her enough information?””
I looked at the hospital form.
“I think Sarah was looking for an answer she didn't understand. I think David gave her enough information to make her afraid, and she made terrible decisions because of that fear.””
“And the to make her afraid, and she made terrible decisions because of that fear.””
“And the letter?””
I closed my eyes.
“I think we need to find it.””
When we returned home, Michael was waiting in letter?””
I closed my eyes.
“I think we need to find it.””
When we returned home, Michael was waiting in the living room with a small overnight bag at his feet.
He looked at the folder in my hand.
“Did you find out what happened to Mom?””
the living room with a small overnight bag at his feet.
He looked at the folder in my hand.
“Did you find out what happened to Mom?””
I knelt in front of him.
“Not everything. But we found somebody who knew her,I knelt in front of him.
“Not everything. But we found somebody who knew her, and we're trying to get the records reviewed.””
“Was somebody lying?””
I thought carefully before answering.
“Yes. Somebody may have lied and we're trying to get the records reviewed.””
“Was somebody lying?””
I thought carefully before answering.
“Yes. Somebody may have lied. But we don't know who yet, and I won't blame anybody without evidence.””
Michael nodded.
“Did. But we don't know who yet, and I won't blame anybody without evidence.””
Michael nodded.
“Did you find her letter?””
“Not yet.””
He looked down at his hands.
“I you find her letter?””
“Not yet.””
He looked down at his hands.
“I want to read it.””
I placed my hand over his.
“When we find it, we'll decide together how want to read it.””
I placed my hand over his.
“When we find it, we'll decide together how to handle it. Your grandmother wanted you to have that choice.””
He looked at me.
“Even if it to handle it. Your grandmother wanted you to have that choice.””
He looked at me.
“Even if it says something bad about you?””
The question hurt, but I understood why he asked it.
“Even then.””
He searched my face for a long moment.
Then he nodded.
I helped says something bad about you?””
The question hurt, but I understood why he asked it.
“Even then.””
He searched my face for a long moment.
Then he nodded.
I helped him carry his bag to Denise's car.
As he climbed into the passenger seat, he paused.
“Dad?””
“Yeah, son?””
“Don't him carry his bag to Denise's car.
As he climbed into the passenger seat, he paused.
“Dad?””
“Yeah, son?””
“Don't stop looking just because the truth hurts.””
I stood in the driveway long after Denise drove away.
My son had asked me for stop looking just because the truth hurts.””
I stood in the driveway long after Denise drove away.
My son had asked me for something I should have given him years ago: the courage to face what I didn't know.
That evening, I submitted something I should have given him years ago: the courage to face what I didn't know.
That evening, I submitted a formal request for the hospital to review the authorization bearing my disputed signature.
Then I opened Sarah's messages one a formal request for the hospital to review the authorization bearing my disputed signature.
Then I opened Sarah's messages one more time.
There was a final conversation with David that I hadn't noticed before.
It had been sent the night the walnut box disappeared.
* more time.
There was a final conversation with David that I hadn't noticed before.
It had been sent the night the walnut box disappeared.
I found something else, Sarah had written.
David's reply came three minutes later.
WhatI found something else, Sarah had written.
David's reply came three minutes later.
What did you find?
Sarah had answered:
A name.
His final message was chilling did you find?*
Sarah had answered:
A name.
His final message was chillingly brief.
Do not tell Marcus until you know what it means.
I readly brief.
Do not tell Marcus until you know what it means.
I read it twice.
Then I looked at the photograph of Renee.
The name had not been included in any of the documents Denise brought. It was not on the hospital form, it twice.
Then I looked at the photograph of Renee.
The name had not been included in any of the documents Denise brought. It was not on the hospital form, and David had not mentioned it at the diner.
Sarah knew something she had and David had not mentioned it at the diner.
Sarah knew something she had not yet confessed.
May you like
And until she told me what that name was, the most important piece not yet confessed.
And until she told me what that name was, the most important piece of my wife's final days would remain hidden from the people who had the greatest of my wife's final days would remain hidden from the people who had the greatest right to know. right to know.
