Chapter 4: The Price of Leaving
Alexa stared at Pascal as if the man standing before her had become a stranger wearing her husband's face.
“Say that again,” she whispered.
Pascal's expression didn't change.
“You heard me.””
“If I go to the hospital, I can't come home?””
“If you walk out of this house to be with Noah tonight, don't expect me to welcome you back like nothing happened.””
Alexa's fingers tightened around her keys. The metal dug into her palm, but she barely felt it. Her mind was trapped on one word.
Nothing.
As though a dying man, a frightened son, and a hospital room filled with uncertainty were nothing. As though her decision to show compassion were some calculated insult against her marriage.
“You're really doing this,” she said.
“I'm finally standing up for myself.””
“No. You're punishing me.””
Pascal's jaw tightened.
“You always have a way of turning things around.””
“Because you keep changing what this is about!”” Alexa's voice cracked.
“First, you say you're upset because I'm leaving. Then it's because Noah called me. Then it's because I won't prove that I love you by abandoning him. Now you're threatening our marriage because I refuse to do what you want.””
“I am not threatening anything. I'm telling you the consequences of your decision.””
“Consequences?”” She let out a disbelieving laugh, tears spilling down her face.
“This is not a business contract, Pascal. I'm your wife.””
“Exactly.””
The word came out like an accusation.
Alexa took a step backward.
She had spent years believing that Pascal's intensity was proof of how deeply he loved her. When he wanted her beside him at gatherings, she had interpreted it as pride. When he grew quiet after Noah called, she had assumed he needed reassurance. When he complained that she gave too much of herself to other people, she had tried to find a better balance.
She had adjusted little things, then bigger things.
She had stopped mentioning some conversations because they always became arguments. She had begun announcing her plans in advance, not because a married woman owed her husband a schedule of every movement, but because she wanted to spare them both unnecessary conflict.
Yet here they were.
And nothing she had done had made him trust her.
“My husband would never ask me to let someone die alone just to make a point,” she said.
Pascal's face darkened.
“Don't you dare use that against me.””
“Then stop giving me a reason to say it.””
For a moment, the silence between them was so sharp that Alexa could hear a car passing somewhere on the main road beyond their neighborhood.
Pascal looked toward the house, then back at her.
“You know what I think?”” he asked.
“I think you've wanted an excuse to run to him for a long time.””
Alexa recoiled.
“That is a lie.””
“Is it?””
“Yes!””
“Then why are you fighting so hard for him?””
“Because he's terrified! Because his father might be dying! Because I have known that family since I was a child!””
“And what about me?””
“What about you?”” she demanded.
“You are standing here alive, healthy, and capable of understanding that someone else's emergency doesn't revolve around our marriage!””
The instant she said it, she saw the injury on his face.
It was there for less than a second, buried beneath anger. For a moment, she almost reached for him. The instinct was old and powerful: soothe him, lower her voice, remind him that she loved him.
Then her phone vibrated again.
A message from Noah appeared.
They've taken Dad back in. The doctor wants to speak to me.
Alexa pressed her lips together.
“I have to go.””
She turned toward the driveway.
“Alexa.””
She stopped, but she didn't turn around.
“If you leave,” Pascal said, “don't call me when you decide you're ready to come back.””
She closed her eyes.
“I wasn't planning to call you.””
The silence that followed was absolute.
She had never spoken to him that way before. Even during their worst arguments, she had tried to leave room for reconciliation. She had believed that no matter how furious they became, they would eventually find their way back to each other.
Pascal stepped off the porch.
“What did you just say?””
Alexa turned.
“I said I wasn't planning to call you. If you want to make this a choice between a hospital and my marriage, then understand that you're the one making it that way.””
“You think you're so righteous.””
“No. I think I'm exhausted.””
Her voice fell.
“I am exhausted from trying to prove that loving other people doesn't mean I love you less.””
Pascal looked at her with an expression she couldn't decipher.
“Then go.””
This time, Alexa moved.
She walked down the driveway, each step feeling heavier than the last. The car keys rattled in her hand. Behind her, she heard the front door open and slam shut.
She didn't look back.
At the driver's side door, she fumbled with the key fob twice before the locks clicked. She opened the door and sat behind the wheel, but she couldn't start the engine immediately.
Her hands shook against the steering wheel.
She looked at the house through the windshield. The broad windows reflected the porch lights, hiding whatever was happening inside. The place looked beautiful, peaceful, untouched by the devastation unfolding beneath its roof.
This was where she had imagined raising children with Pascal.
This was where they had danced barefoot in the kitchen after their wedding. Where he had held her when she woke from nightmares about her mother. Where she had believed that being loved meant she could finally stop bracing herself for the next loss.
Now she was sitting in the driveway, afraid that going to the hospital might cost her the life she had built.
Her phone rang.
Noah.
She answered immediately.
“I'm coming.””
“Alexa, I—” His breath hitched.
“They want me to sign some paperwork. I don't know what any of it means.””
“Listen to me. Don't sign anything you don't understand. Ask the nurse to explain it. I'm on my way.””
“Thank you.””
The two words nearly broke her.
She started the engine.
As she backed out, she glanced toward the house one final time.
No figure appeared at the door. No one came running down the driveway. Pascal did not call her name.
The gate opened automatically, and she drove into the dark Georgia night.
She was going to the hospital.
But as the house disappeared in her rearview mirror, Alexa realized she wasn't merely driving toward someone who needed her.
May you like
She was driving away from the first ultimatum of her marriage.
And she had no idea whether Pascal would ever forgive her for refusing it—or whether she would ever forgive him for making her choose.
