Chapter 8: The Last Thing He Expected to Hear
Tiana arrived the following afternoon.
This time, she called before coming.
Malcolm was sitting near the front window when her name appeared on his phone. He let it ring twice before answering.
"Hello.""
"Malcolm, it's me.""
"I know.""
She took a breath.
"Can I come over?""
He looked toward the gray sofa.
He had spent most of the previous evening trying not to look at it. The room had become a place where every object carried a memory, and he was tired of being ambushed by the life he had thought he was living.
"What do you want to talk about?"" he asked.
"I need to tell you something in person.""
"Why?""
"Because it's important.""
He waited.
Then she said, "I know I don't deserve to ask you for anything. But please, Malcolm. I need you to hear me.""
He looked at the clock.
He could refuse. He could tell her to send another message and leave the door closed.
Instead, he found himself thinking about the questions that still remained unanswered.
"Twenty minutes," he said.
"And if I ask you to leave, you leave.""
"Okay.""
"And don't bring Darius.""
"I won't.""
He ended the call.
Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang.
Malcolm opened the door himself through the home's accessible entrance and found Tiana standing on the porch. She wore jeans and a cream sweater, and her hair was pulled into a simple ponytail. She looked exhausted.
Her eyes moved over his face.
"Hi.""
He nodded toward the living room.
"Come in.""
She stepped inside, carrying a small handbag. She glanced around as though she expected something to have changed during her absence.
Perhaps she expected the photographs to be gone or the furniture to have been rearranged.
Everything remained exactly where it had been.
Malcolm guided his wheelchair toward the living room.
Tiana followed, but she didn't sit until he gestured toward the opposite end of the sofa.
They were separated by the coffee table.
For a few seconds, neither spoke.
Then she clasped her hands together.
"I don't know where to start.""
"Start with the truth.""
She flinched.
"I am telling the truth.""
"Then this should be easy.""
Her eyes filled.
"I never wanted to hurt you.""
Malcolm looked at her.
"We've covered that.""
She lowered her head.
"You're right.""
He waited.
She drew a shaky breath.
"I've been unhappy for a while. I didn't want to admit it because I knew how much you were dealing with. Every time I thought about telling you, I imagined what it would do to you.""
Malcolm's jaw tightened.
"And instead, you told Darius.""
She nodded slowly.
"Yes.""
"Why?""
"Because he understood what I was feeling.""
"Did I ever tell you that you weren't allowed to feel those things?""
"No.""
"Did I ever tell you that you couldn't leave if you didn't want to be with me anymore?""
"No.""
"Then what were you afraid of?""
Tiana wiped her cheeks.
"I was afraid of being the person who left you when you were sick.""
The honesty surprised him.
She continued before he could respond.
"I was afraid people would judge me. I was afraid your family would hate me. I was afraid that if I left, everyone would think I was abandoning you when you needed me most.""
Malcolm stared at her.
"So you stayed.""
"Yes.""
"And while you stayed, you started a relationship with Darius.""
She looked down.
"Yes.""
The second admission hurt no less than the first.
Malcolm felt his fingers curl against the armrests.
"You understand how that sounds?""
"I do.""
"No, Tiana. I don't think you do."" His voice grew rough.
"You were worried about looking like a bad person, so you stayed in my house, told me you loved me, and went behind my back with my best friend.""
Tiana began crying harder.
"I know.""
"You were protecting your reputation while destroying my ability to trust either of you.""
"I know.""
"Stop saying that if you aren't going to do anything with it.""
She looked up sharply.
"What do you want me to do?""
"I want you to stop asking me to help you feel less guilty.""
Her lips parted.
For a moment, he thought she would argue again.
Instead, she covered her face and cried.
Malcolm looked away.
He wanted to comfort her. That instinct remained, stubborn and familiar, but he no longer mistook it for an obligation.
After a while, Tiana lowered her hands.
"I did love you," she said.
Malcolm turned back toward her.
"Did?""
She swallowed.
"I still care about you.""
"That's not what I asked.""
She looked at him for a long time.
"I don't know if I can love you the way you need me to.""
The words hurt.
But they also brought a kind of terrible relief.
At last, she had said something that didn't ask him to pretend.
Malcolm nodded once.
"Then you should have told me.""
"I know.""
He raised a hand.
She stopped herself.
He looked at her, his expression tired rather than angry.
"You keep telling me what you know now. I need you to understand that I can't go backward and make your choices different.""
"I understand.""
"And I can't be the person who decides whether you were justified. You have to live with what you chose.""
Tiana stared at the floor.
Then she reached into her handbag and removed a folded sheet of paper.
"I wrote something down because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to say it.""
She placed it on the coffee table.
Malcolm didn't touch it.
"What is it?""
"A letter.""
"To me?""
She nodded.
"About what happened. About what I did. I wanted you to know that I wasn't blaming you.""
He looked at the folded paper.
For months, he had wished Tiana would tell him what she was thinking. He had wanted her to admit when she was frightened, when she was tired, when she needed something he couldn't provide.
Now she had written him a letter.
And he didn't know whether he wanted to read it.
"What's in it that you can't say aloud?"" he asked.
She looked embarrassed.
"Things I'm ashamed of.""
Malcolm felt something cold settle in his stomach.
"Does it explain how long you've been involved with Darius?""
She hesitated.
"Yes.""
"Does it explain whether you planned to leave me?""
"Yes.""
"Does it explain why you were still holding his hand when I caught you?""
Tiana's face crumpled.
"I don't know why I did that.""
Malcolm watched her carefully.
She looked genuinely ashamed.
But shame was not the same as honesty, and regret was not the same as change.
He picked up the letter.
It was three pages long, folded neatly in half.
He placed it beside his phone.
"I'll read it when I'm ready.""
Tiana nodded.
For a moment, she seemed relieved that he hadn't rejected it outright.
Then she looked toward the photographs on the wall.
"Do you remember Savannah?""
Malcolm followed her gaze.
"Yes.""
"We were so happy there.""
"We were.""
She turned toward him.
"Was any of it real?""
The question startled him.
He studied her face, trying to understand whether she was asking for reassurance or whether she had begun doubting their entire history.
"Why wouldn't it be real?""
"Because I look at those pictures now, and I can't stop thinking about what I was doing behind your back.""
Malcolm lowered his eyes.
"That's something you have to work through.""
She nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks.
"I miss us.""
"So do I.""
The admission escaped before he could stop it.
Tiana looked up quickly.
For a moment, hope flickered across her face.
Malcolm saw it and felt the need to clarify.
"I miss who we were. I miss the life I thought we were building. That doesn't mean I can go back to it.""
Her shoulders fell.
"I understand.""
He wasn't sure she did.
She sat quietly for several seconds before speaking again.
"Darius told me he came here yesterday.""
"He did.""
"What happened?""
Malcolm considered refusing to answer.
Then he decided he was tired of allowing their private conversations to remain hidden behind half-truths.
"He told me he'd fallen for you.""
Tiana closed her eyes.
"He said he didn't plan it.""
"That seems to be his favorite explanation.""
She shook her head.
"Malcolm, I never wanted this to happen.""
"Neither did I.""
The simple statement silenced her.
He looked at the clock.
"Your twenty minutes are almost up.""
She nodded, wiping her face.
"I'll go.""
She stood, but instead of moving toward the door, she remained beside the sofa.
"Can I ask you one thing?""
Malcolm looked at her.
"What?""
"If I had told you I wanted to leave before anything happened with Darius, would you have tried to make me stay?""
He considered the question carefully.
"No.""
She looked surprised.
"No?""
"I would have asked you why. I would have been hurt. I might have tried to fix things if you were willing. But I wouldn't have forced you to stay.""
Tiana's mouth trembled.
"I wish I'd believed that.""
Malcolm felt the words settle heavily between them.
"So do I.""
She picked up her handbag and walked toward the entrance.
At the door, she turned back.
"I really am sorry.""
He nodded.
"I believe you're sorry.""
Hope flickered in her eyes again.
Then he continued.
"But I don't know what that means for us.""
She stood motionless for a moment before stepping outside.
Malcolm closed the door.
He returned to the living room and looked at the folded letter on the coffee table.
For several minutes, he left it untouched.
Then he reached for it and unfolded the first page.
Tiana's handwriting was familiar, slanted slightly to the right. She had written his name at the top and crossed it out twice before settling on a simple greeting.
Malcolm, I need to tell you about the night I realized I was no longer being honest with you.
He stopped reading.
The sentence suggested something he hadn't yet understood.
Not the beginning of her unhappiness.
Not the first time Darius had offered comfort.
The night she realized she was no longer being honest.
He looked at the next line.
It happened before the kiss, before I admitted what I felt for him, and before I knew how far I would let things go.
Malcolm felt his heart begin to pound.
He kept reading.
I had already made a decision that I never told you about. And I think you deserve to know why.
The letter trembled slightly in his hands.
For the first time, he understood why Tiana had insisted on meeting him in person.
She hadn't come only to apologize.
May you like
She had come to tell him about a decision that had been made long before he caught her on the sofa.
And whatever that decision was, it might change everything he thought he knew about the last few months of their relationship.
