Chapter 6: What Jermaine Kept in the Office
I did not sleep that night.
I sat at the kitchen table with the folder of business papers in front of me, trying to determine whether I was looking at evidence or simply arranging unrelated details into a story because I desperately needed one.
The note with Denise Walker's name was old. The handwriting was Jermaine's. The instruction to ask Tameka before calling was clear.
But I did not know why he had written it.
I would not let my pain turn an unanswered question into an accusation.
At seven the next morning, I called the attorney's office and asked whether I should bring the folder to our appointment.
“Yes,” the receptionist said.
“Bring anything you believe may be relevant, but don't alter or remove records from shared accounts without discussing it with the attorney first.””
I thanked her and put the folder in my bag.
Then I called Jermaine.
He answered so quickly that I wondered whether he had been holding his phone.
“Dee?””
“I need you to come to the house.””
“Are you ready to talk?””
“I'm ready to ask questions.””
“I'll be there in twenty minutes.””
“Come alone.””
“I will.””
I ended the call before he could say anything else.
While I waited, I made coffee and set two cups on the table. The gesture annoyed me as soon as I did it. I had spent fourteen years preparing things for Jermaine without thinking about whether he deserved them.
I poured his coffee down the sink.
When he arrived, he knocked twice and waited.
I opened the door.
He looked exhausted. His eyes were red, and he had shaved badly enough to leave a thin line of irritation along his jaw.
“Can I come in?””
I stepped aside.
He entered slowly, looking around as though the house had changed overnight.
In some ways, it had.
I had moved my clothes into the guest bedroom. I had taken my wedding photograph off the living room shelf and placed it face down in a drawer. I had also removed the spare key from the bowl near the door.
Jermaine noticed the empty space where the photograph had been.
He looked at me.
“Dee—”
“Sit down.””
He sat.
I remained standing.
“Who is Denise Walker?””
The change in his face was immediate.
His shoulders stiffened. His eyes moved toward the folder on the table.
“Where did you get that name?””
“From your paperwork.””
“What paperwork?””
“The paperwork you left in our office.””
He rubbed his hands together.
“Denise is a person I worked with.””
“Doing what?””
“Business.””
“What kind of business?””
“Consulting. Contract work. Things like that.””
“Why did you write that I should ask Tameka before calling her?””
He stared at the folder.
“I don't remember writing that.””
“You recognize your handwriting.””
“Yes.””
“Then tell me why you wrote it.””
He stood abruptly.
“Dee, this is exactly what I was afraid of.””
I felt my pulse jump.
“What were you afraid of?””
“You digging through old papers and getting the wrong idea.””
I laughed once.
“That's what you were afraid of? Me finding a piece of paper?””
“I'm trying to protect you from something you don't understand.””
“Stop saying that.””
He looked at me.
“Stop telling me you're protecting me when you're the one who keeps withholding the truth.””
His mouth tightened.
I opened the folder and placed the note between us.
“Did you know about the fifth phone?””
He looked away.
“Jermaine.””
“Yes.””
The admission landed with a quietness that made it worse.
“You knew.””
“Yes.””
“Whose phone was it?””
“It was used for work.””
“Whose work?””
“Mine, mostly.””
“Mostly?””
He dragged a hand over his face.
“Dee, I wasn't trying to hurt you.””
“You've already hurt me. Answer the question.””
He sat down again.
“The line was for business calls. I didn't want clients calling my personal number.””
“Why didn't you get your own business account?””
“Because I was trying to keep costs down.””
“So you put the phone on my family plan?””
“No. I didn't add it myself.””
“Then who did?””
He hesitated.
“I asked Tameka to help me.””
I stared at him.
“You asked my best friend to put another phone on my account without telling me?””
“She was already on the plan. I thought it would be easier.””
“Easier for whom?””
“For everybody.””
I shook my head.
“There is no version of this where you get to say everybody.””
He leaned forward.
“I was going to tell you.””
“When?””
“When things settled down.””
“After the second wedding? After the fifth phone? After I paid for another year of your lies?””
His face crumpled.
“I know how it sounds.””
“No. You know how it sounds when I say it aloud. That's different.””
He lowered his head.
For a moment, I could see him struggling to find the right words. Once, I would have helped him. I would have suggested a way to explain himself, offered a softer interpretation, and made it easier for him to speak.
I did not do that.
The silence belonged to him.
Finally, he said, “The line wasn't for Tameka.””
“Then why did she know about it?””
“Because she helped me set it up.””
“And why did she tell me it wasn't what I thought?””
He looked up sharply.
“She said that?””
“Yes.””
He swallowed.
“Dee, I need you to understand something. Tameka wasn't involved in everything.””
I felt a cold pressure in my chest.
“What is everything?””
He stood again, walked toward the window, and returned without looking at me.
“I made mistakes in my business.””
“What kind of mistakes?””
“Financial ones.””
“Did you use our money?””
He didn't answer.
“Jermaine, did you use our money?””
“I borrowed some.””
“How much?””
“I don't know exactly.””
I stared at him.
“You don't know how much of our money you borrowed?””
“I was going to pay it back.””
“From where?””
“My contracts.””
“What contracts?””
He rubbed his face.
“This is why I didn't want to talk about it. Every time I try to explain, you ask another question.””
“That's how explanations work.””
He flinched.
I continued.
“Did you take money from our joint account to pay for this business?””
“Yes.””
“How much?””
“I can't tell you without checking the records.””
“Then we'll check the records.””
“Dee, please.””
“No. You don't get to decide that I should remain ignorant because the truth makes you uncomfortable.””
He looked at me with an expression I had seen only a few times during our marriage. It was the look he wore when he realized that charm would not get him out of a situation.
“I'm not asking you to remain ignorant.””
“You told me you didn't know about the fifth phone.””
“I panicked.””
“You lied.””
“Yes.””
“You told me you didn't know why Tameka had another ring like mine.””
He closed his eyes.
“I know.””
“You let me stand in that apartment and believe I was losing my mind.””
“I never wanted you to feel that way.””
“But you let me.””
He had no answer.
I sat across from him and folded my hands on the table.
“Tell me about Denise Walker.””
He stared at the note.
“She helped with some of the business paperwork.””
“What paperwork?””
“Contracts. Invoices. A few financial arrangements.””
“Was she a client?””
“Not exactly.””
“Was she an employee?””
“Not officially.””
“Was she the person using the fifth phone?””
“I don't know who had it last.””
“That is not an answer.””
He looked at me, and for the first time, I saw genuine fear in his face.
“I can't tell you everything until I know what Denise has done.””
I held his gaze.
“What has she done?””
He shook his head.
“I need to talk to her first.””
“No.””
“Dee—”
“You are not going to leave this house and make another private arrangement with somebody whose name you kept hidden from me.””
“I'm trying to keep this from becoming worse.””
“For whom?””
“For us.””
I leaned forward.
“There is no us that gives you the right to decide what I can know.””
His eyes filled with tears.
“I love you.””
I believed that he might feel something he called love.
I no longer believed that his feelings made me safe.
“Then tell me the truth.””
He opened his mouth, but no words came.
Finally, he whispered, “I can't.””
I nodded slowly.
That was the answer I needed, even if it was not the one I wanted.
“You need to leave.””
“Dee, please don't do this.””
“I'm not doing anything to you. I'm asking you to leave my house.””
“Our house.””
I looked at him.
“Then you should have treated it like a home we shared instead of a place where you could hide things from me.””
He stood motionless for a moment.
Then he picked up his keys and walked to the door.
Before leaving, he turned around.
“Whatever you hear about Denise, don't believe everything she tells you.””
I felt my heart pound.
“Why?””
He looked as though he wanted to answer.
Instead, he opened the door and walked out.
I locked it behind him.
My hands were shaking so badly that I had to grip the counter to steady myself.
I had learned three things in less than an hour.
Jermaine knew about the fifth phone.
He had asked Tameka to help him add it to my account.
And Denise Walker was connected to his business in a way he refused to explain.
I called Rochelle and told her what had happened.
She listened without interrupting.
When I finished, she said, “Don't contact Denise until you've spoken to the attorney.””
“I wasn't going to.””
“Good. And don't assume the business problems explain the marriage. They may be connected, but we don't know how.””
“I know.””
“Dee, I mean it. We keep the facts separate until we can establish the connection.””
I looked at the note on the table.
“I'm trying.””
“I know you are.””
At two that afternoon, I sat in the attorney's office with the documents arranged in front of me.
I explained the second marriage, the phone plan, the anonymous messages, the business records, and Jermaine's admission that he had used money from our joint account.
The attorney listened carefully, taking notes.
She explained that the legal consequences of a second marriage depended on the facts and the applicable law. She advised me not to make accusations publicly, to preserve the original documents, and to avoid changing ownership or access arrangements until we had reviewed the accounts and property records.
She also told me that I should not assume every financial irregularity was connected to the affair.
“We will investigate each issue separately,” she said.
“If they connect, the evidence will show us how.””
I left the office with a list of documents to gather and instructions to keep a written record of any further communications.
For the first time, I felt that my life was moving according to a plan that did not depend on Jermaine telling the truth voluntarily.
That evening, I returned to the house and found an envelope tucked beneath the front door.
My name was written on the front.
No return address.
Inside was a single sheet of paper.
Deandra, I know you have questions about Denise Walker. I can explain why Jermaine was afraid to tell you about her, but I need to know you are ready to hear something that may change how you understand the last two years.
At the bottom was a phone number.
I recognized the area code.
It was the same one attached to the number ending in 4418.
I sat down on the floor beside the door.
The message did not identify its sender, and I could not be certain who had delivered the envelope. I took photographs of it, placed the original in a folder, and called the attorney's office to ask how best to preserve it.
Then I looked again at the number.
Somewhere, there was a person who knew what Jermaine had been hiding.
Somewhere, there was a reason he had warned me not to believe Denise.
And somewhere in the twenty-two months of phone records, a trail had been left behind by somebody who had expected me never to follow it.
I picked up my phone.
I did not call the number.
Not yet.
Instead, I wrote one final question on my yellow legal pad.
*What happened twenty-two months ago that made my husband afraid of the truth?*
For the first time since I walked into Tameka's apartment, I understood that finding the answer might change more than my marriage.
May you like
It might change everything I thought I knew about the people who had built their lives around me.
And I intended to find out before any of them could decide what I was allowed to know.
